Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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