if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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