Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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