well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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