I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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