if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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