The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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