Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
