Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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