Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
