DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
