There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize