I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
