there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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