In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
