Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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