Betty ford says i'm here all night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
