Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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