You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
