He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
