ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize