you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
