dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
