wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
whose parrot is this?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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