I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
