Welp...herpes.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
