The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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