oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
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