I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
