Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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