ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
