6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
