The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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