She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
