Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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