sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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