Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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