I'm really into asian looking animals
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
