today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
