im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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