Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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