trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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