Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
