my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
