and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize