just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
