naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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