why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
