it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
