ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
