If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
