Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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