So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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