Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Drake has all the answers
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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