just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
