Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
