hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
