My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
