i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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