Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
