So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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