The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
