So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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