The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
