it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
