I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
